The European Union commissioners have announced that an agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications rather than German which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British government concedes that the English spelling has room for improvement and accepted a 5-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).

In the first year, 's' will be used instead of the soft 'c'. Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard 'c' will be replaced with 'k'. Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome 'ph' will be replaced by 'f'. This will make words like 'fotograf' 20 per sent shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent 'e's in the languag is disgrasful and they would go.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th' with 'z' and 'w' with 'v'.

During ze fifz year, ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou' and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

Und after ze fifz yer ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst place.

Whilst in jest, this points at enunciation.

Here lazier versus sharper tongues, teeth versus throat sounds cause dialects. Those aren't so different from a hifi's voicing. Transistors can play it more against the teeth and sibilant, tubes farther back in the mouth for more darkness. Now we talk of a softer/warmer or crisper/brighter sound.

Contrary to beliefs, that's not just about tonal balance. It can also be about how the transient, bloom and decay portions of tones are weighted. Do the overall textures suggest more staccato or legato, more transient edge and jump-factor speed or lengthier fades with greater relaxation? Are outlines razor sharp or slightly soft? Is the space between performers empty or filled with connective tissue and intersecting auras? Is the progression in time more angular and beat clocked or fluid and elastic?

When experienced listeners assemble a system, they navigate these markers and tendencies to set a course they personally find most appealing, correct or believable.