(This article has been printed off the Web and casually left around for you to find by the "Audiophile in Your Life" in case you were wondering).
Let's get it out in the air right off the bat: I'm following readily verifiable market wisdom by assuming "The Audiophile in Your Life" is a man, so I'm writing this with the Woman of The House in mind. And I'm secure enough in my own sexuality to commiserate with your predicament, dear woman. Because whether we're buried in the napping chair, greasing up the garage, glued to the televised game (or war) or, as in this case, communing in an oddly intimate way with our stereo equipment, men -- and I have a veritable Geek choir of former and current consorts who will gimme an "Amen" here --are a pain in the ass.


However, since you've got yourself an audiophile, it's important to keep things in perspective. As I once saw printed on a particularly wise T-shirt, "My husband may be an audiophile but at least I know where he is all the time". The same cannot be said of all male pastimes, as I have myself witnessed many a case where a Saturday selflessly devoted to golfing with clients was in actuality devoted to drinking with buddies while watching golf with one eye on the tavern's smoky TV.


Now that I've branded myself a pariah of my own tribe, perhaps you can grant me the trust of my good intentions. For whether your relationship is in the very blush of new romance or old enough to remember a Democratic South, odds are good you learned his audio rules before you even got to memorize his ticklish parts. And often the first of those rules is "Don't touch it!" (not unlike the ticklish parts). This can, I know, lead to feelings of separateness, emotional detachment, even jealously. But you're just going to have to get over that girly crap for the moment so we can focus on the immediate, more masculine-rational problem of gift-giving.


You probably know full well that, assuming you're not a heiress of a considerable fortune, it would be sheer madness to try to buy him any major piece of equipment, i.e. a "component" like an amplifier, turntable, CD player etc. Or even, God forbid, things like cables (wires). Your likelihood of selecting the right one has about the same odds as someone with a full set of front teeth winning Super Lotto. I'd bet big that this sort of innocent giving has spelled the end of more than one couple in the audiophile community. But I'll break ranks with the boys yet again to let you in on a secret: he wishes you would get him something pertaining to his favorite hobby, he really, really does.


There are several reasons nursing this desire, one being high-minded and even, in its own way, romantic. He wishes you'd recognize the importance of his interests by showing some interest of your own, at least enough to flip through one of those magazines once in a while, or to scream out his Audio Asylum moniker in the unbridled spasms of wild-monkey-lovemaking. Well, at least the magazine thing. And the other, slightly less high-minded reason? He'd love to find "something audio" under the tree because, simply enough, that's his favorite stuff.


Yes, the sweater is great. The belt is stylin' and he never would have bought that expensive aftershave for himself. He loves the new X-Box game, too, no doubt about it (even more than the belt, for instance). But if you want to see his audiophile eyes really light up, it takes less money, less in-depth knowledge and less is-he-going-to-like-this risk-taking than you think.


Think small
Tweaks. You've probably heard him use the word. It's a catchall for little thingmalings, items and gizmos that serve to "tune" a high Fi system. Tweak products represent an industry unto itself and there's no shortage of them in every price range. For our purposes -- and while this list is by no means comprehensive -- I'll stick with the most simple, most affordable and most universally useful among them. And I've included the necessary information to make your shopping easy and completely non-intimidating.
  • GutWire NotePads are hefty little sacks filled with a dense gel that are used to control resonance in equipment cases, add a bit of weight to bookshelf-sizes speakers, even fix cables to their supports (more on that later). They're $25 each.

  • SoundPads, also from the GutWire folks, are larger, round versions that use a more complex gel formulation that, in addition to unwanted chassis vibes, also controls EMI and RFI (forms of electrical and radio wave interference). They run $149 for a set of three. See our own Paul Candy's coverage of Gutwire products

  • Vibrapods. Every audio enthusiast needs a drawer full of these uncomplicated but effective footies (and video nuts should start waking up to these any time too now). They're $6 each. Buy in sets of four.
  • Walker Audio SST (Super Silver Treatment) Contact Enhancer is a product several writers, including our exalted Chief, have raved about. It is what it says it is and a little jar (more than enough to last quite a while) with a quiver of applicator brushes costs about $75.

  • A similar (but, mind you, different) silver-based contact enhancer comes from the Mapleshade company; Mapleshade SilClear, in stocking-friendly, beauty crème style jar costing $35.

  • Flitz Metal Polish is the bomb when it comes to really, really getting metal contacts really, really clean (just remind him to go easy as it can clean gold-plating clean off the more stingy, mass-market type plugs). It will set you back just about $10 for a 1.76 ounce tube (you can, in addition to the websites provided farther down, find Flitz in better hardware stores).

While we're on a contacts and connectors binge, allow me to suggest the Caig Audio/Video Survival Kit. It costs just under $40 and contains everything a fastidious hardware nerd needs to keep his contacts, switches and buttons clean, shiny and properly conditioned, including a variety of specialized application brushes, swabs and cloths and a case to keep it all organized.

Shakti Onlines are priced around $100 per pair. Made to be affixed to those wires that are now so squeaky clean, they fight interference. For about $100 more, the Shakti Electromagnetic Stabilizer, the in/famous "Stone" that's made to be placed on or under equipment, is on my personal list of audio's killer apps.


Does your phavorite 'phile play those big, black CDs called "records "or "LPs"? If so, stuff any or all of the following in his Holiday sock and he'll be gift-wrapped around your little finger:
  • Gruv Glide: About $25 per can
  • Stylast Stylus Cleaning Kit: $40
  • The classic Hunt EDA (Mk 6) Carbon Fiber Record Brush: $23
  • Extreme Phono Stylus Cleaner, a little dip'll do ya: $30
  • Zip! Zap! The Milty Zerostat gun kills static: $70
  • The all-time-great Sure SFG-2 Stylus Force Gauge: At or around $25
  • A package of 100 Mobile Fidelity Original Master Sleeves, top-notch, protective inner sleeves for that precious collection of licorice pizza: $35

How about digital? CD? SACD? Even DVD discs?

  • The Auric Illuminator Kit comes with polishing gel, a marking pen and a sack of non-abrasive clothes and costs under $40
  • Mapleshade Micro-Smooth can help restore even unreadable CD and DVDs and one little bottle treats about 275 discs for about $18
  • For really damaged discs (something a true audiophile rarely encounters, I grant you that - but...) stop his cursing with the Allsop Disc Restore Machine for $30 (i.e. one saved DVD and the thing pays for itself)
  • The Sound Improvement Disc (SID) is a green mat made to be placed atop discs as they're played. It's said to reduce or eliminate reading errors for a more analog-like (smoother, more cohesive) sound and costs $50

On the subject of digital, every sound hound has or should have at least one test disc.
  • A respected granddaddy of the lot is the XLO Test and Burn-In CD. Retail $30
  • A fave rave of my own is the Cardas/Ayre System Enhancement Disc (Irrational But Efficacious!), $20
  • Other oft-spun classics of the test disc line-up are the Densen DeMagic, $20, Stereophile Test CD #1 and the newer S'phile Editor's Choice disc, $10 each.
  • Finally, the Rives Audio Test CD is a state-of-the-art tour de force that he can use in conjunction with a sound meter or simply "by ear" to achieve optimal speaker placement. $20

It's hard for me to imagine any audioslave not appreciating all of the things on that list (provided you're sensitive to the personal applicability of vinyl vs. CD specialty items) and being most dearly impressed with your thoughtful and intelligent gifting. Find all if it at:

Think print
As impolitic as it may be to suggest this in the context of the hobby's hippest, smartest webzine, you may also consider getting him a subscription to one or several snail-mail audio magazines. If he already subscribes to one or more, you probably know it. If he doesn't, looking for the likely suspects on your local newsstand will yield the standard subscription card, and/or many publications offer on-line sign-up.

The biggies are Stereophile and The Absolute Sound. Even if he professes to hate those publications, he can now hate them on a regular basis and for new crimes all the time! And what you pay for that single issue on the stand will probably be more than a year's subscription. Other titles include Inner Ear Report (Canadian), The Audiophile Voice and, my favorite based on the excellent graphics alone, England's witty and balanced Hi Fi+.


If a subscription is included in your gift plans, a cool way to present said present would be a current issue, gift wrapped, with a card (homemade or otherwise) announcing the subscription inside. But you already knew that.


Think print, again
Books. Yes, men do read, and not always just the sports page. There are many excellent books in the audio universe, but they do tend to go from the almost too general to the patently specialized. Say, from Robert Harley's excellent primer "High End" to nearly impenetrable books on circuit engineering and advanced loudspeaker design. You may know what book or books might be of use or interest to him when you see them, so I'll just leave you a few of the more classic titles and the websites where you can find them. At the least, a well-stocked bookshelf makes for a good diffuser in the sound room.
  • The Glass Audio Project Book is a must-have for both the seasoned and beginner DYIer. $7.95. Check it and other titles out at www.tubedepot.com/b-00003.html.
  • The Complete Guide to High End Audio by Robert Harley. About $23 as paperback
  • Audio Reality: Myths Debunked Truths Revealed by Bruce Rozenblit
  • Master Handbook of Acoustics by F. Alton Everest. $28
  • Loudspeaker Design Cookbook by Vance Dickason. $32
  • And an absolute collectible, bragging-rights classic of the genre, Good Sound: An Uncomplicated Guide to Choosing and Using Audio Equipment by Laura Dearborn. This one's been out of print for years but examples are available on the bidding sites and Amazon's used section that -- depending on condition -- fetch anywhere from $5 to nearly $80
  • And while now charmingly archaic and of limited value to modern gear jockeys, The TRUE Sound of Music: A Practical Guide to Sound Equipment for the Home by the sainted Hans Fantel is a real 'phile phind on the bidding sites. And as is always the case in out-of-print situations, expect to steal your copy for a pittance or pay...well, how high is up?


Think cautiously
Now we enter a more risky area, an area you need not tread if you're insecure about it. But if your confidence has risen to the point where you might dip a toe into the He-Might-Have-To-Return-It-But-He'll-Still-Be-Blown-Away-By-Me zone, read on.


Look at his stereo system setup. Does he have the cables, speaker or otherwise, suspended off the floor/carpet? If so, is he using ugly lame things like Styrofoam cups, up-ended bourbon glasses or random chunks of 2x4s to do the suspending? Then consider treating both of you to a better arrangement. You can purchase a set of Cable Elevators from sources like Music Direct, or you can hit eBay, search "cable insulators" under "Collectables" and get roughly the same things -- usually far more visually interesting versions of the same things -- for a fraction of the cost. All of mine, for example, are antique, cobalt blue ceramic. You can also get them in formed, tinted glass (called Hemmingway style). Just be sure to get the notched or so-called cable-top versions. And mind the sizes. Some of these things are, as my youngest child would say, humantic (a custom combo of humongous and gigantic). The dimensions you want are approximately equivalent to a standard coffee mug.
Lastly and in the higher risk department, look at his listening room/area. Does he have any weirdness going on like, for instance, throw pillows (somehow) stuck into

the upper corners of the room? How about egg crates or unexplained pieces of foam and fabric just tacked up or leaning here and there? Then pop for a set of Echo Busters Corner Busters, about $165 per four-pack. Or the Roompack from Eighth Nerve, a set of 10 corner and seam treatments for $250, a little spendy in the scheme of things but you get the satisfaction of no longer having to live with an area of the home that looks like a stockroom in the Wholesale District.
Think big
Big, that is, in a small way. If he doesn't already have one, consider an iPod. My own wonderful wife gave me an iPod Mini a while back and the damn thing changed my life. There's an uncompressed option for storage and playback (same amount of musical information as on a CD) that will shut almost any purist up. And later on, say for his next birthday or even next holiday, you can spring for a pair of Etymotic Research ER-6 or Shure E3c earbuds (check same sites above) that, if anything, may just reduce his time commitment to the Big Rig.


Give him the 'pod and the audiophile 'buds at the same time and prepare to be worshipped like the Goddess you rightfully are. So there you have it. Add your own understanding of your man and his, ahem equipment, a dash of your own womanly creativity and you've got at least one gift that, like a pie-eyed, Santa-struck little boy, he'll want to dash off and put to use right away. And perhaps best of all, he'll feel especially bad for not getting you that killer pair of Manolo Blahniks. But there's always next year. Which, after all, is a few mere days away. Right, girls?


Good Yule!